We still had plenty of trad Christmas figures going to parties usually including Stinky, the grumpy, incompetent elf plus a newly divorced and liberated Mother Christmas.  We even had Psychic Santa who gave out gifts from a sack and “read” why the gift fitted the receiver.  Was it a surprise that the GM got a pair of handcuffs and the salesperson of the year got fluorescent condoms?  Other shows took a bit more of a risk.  The Panto Show saw the guests become part of an amateur production of the Story of Christmas or Cinderella.  There were competitions based on stuffing stocking or making a Santa beard out of foam.  It was pretty warped for fun (yes, we still are) but it was all based on traditional themes. There were others too numerous to name.

For the last few years it’s changed.  Our clients want a different sort of Christmas.  Now , we’re often supplying an outdoor show, woven round local places with total experiential involvement.  Or we’re on a boat with pirates.  We have Mafia themes and Mystery themes, Cooking and Wine shows.

Father Christmas is hardly mentioned.  Is it better?  Well, I think it’s a shame to lose some of those lovely shows – there’s nothing like seeing the CEO dressed as the back end of a cow to remind the staff he or she is just a human being and still likes a laugh, but I think,, for us, it’s always a great challenge to come up with new and innovative ways to enjoy a Christmas experience.  Those old shows, if we revive them, can be new now so if you want a trad event or something completely different for Christmas – give us a call or make an inquiry from our web site.  And have a Happy – well, whatever.

Apparently, when I committed my awkward lunge onstage, a ripple of titters went through the audience and I turned around and gave everyone a beaming smile.  Also on good authority, from my mother, my bowing was entirely disproportionate to the actual quality of my recital performance.  Clearly I had already given my performance before I’d even sat down to play.

I was truly bitten not long afterwards in our school production of The Life and Death of Sneaky Fitch, where I played the sheriff.  I distinctly remember getting a great laugh when I loudly declared, centre stage, in my best cod-piece cowboy accent, “As your sheriff I am a man of my word.”  I believe I was 9.

I loved the thrill, excitement and sense of purpose as we memorized our lines, laboriously wrote down our blocking, painted cardboard grave stones and put on our ill-fitting costumes.  I remembered it being a whole lot of fun and loved being in the company of like-minded people.  It was sort of like a sanctioned “showing off”.  I think you always want approval as a kid and making people laugh was certainly one sure-fire way of doing it.

My dad was in the Air Force so we moved around the bit and I discovered that the drama club was the best and fastest way to make new friends.  The acting fraternity has always been welcoming of the flamboyant, slightly different and a bit goofy.  I grew up taking drama at school, going to drama clubs on Saturday mornings, participating in numerous drama festivals and taxing my poor parents who dropped me off and picked up from countless rehearsals and shows.

It wasn’t until much later that I had my first dalliance with performance improv.   I was at Simon Fraser University studying Psychology but in my third year I had a disastrous relationship with statistics.  Math has never been my strong suit and I became highly motivated to transfer to the University of British Columbia to study theatre with Arnie Zazlov.   He sort of looked like a cross between a large garden gnome and a Mexican bandito with twinkling eyes, a bushy moustache and a shock of wild salt and pepper hair.   He was a fabulous teacher with a European training in mask, clown work and movement.  He ran his own theatre company in Seattle.

I was aware that the guys in the class were doing these shows on the weekends but I had never been.  Apparently people lined up around the block from 10:00pm to make sure they got into the 11:00pm show.   It was a new exciting form of theatre from Calgary and it was called Theatresports.  They were doing it at the City Stage Theatre in Vancouver, ironically now a McDonalds.

To the uninitiated, Theatresports is competitive improvisation where teams of actors challenge one another to make up and perform stories, poems, songs etc. on the spot, based on information gleamed from the raucous audience.  There are 3 judges, who award points and the team with the highest score is victorious.

One day Lyle Moon, a fellow acting student, declared that I was needed since I was a woman.  They were having a Mother’s Day Tournament and needed more women performers to fill out the ranks.  I pointed out that I hadn’t seen a show and didn’t know the games and panic, panic, panic….  He poo pooed all this with a wave of his hand and said we’d go over some stuff and I’d be fine.  Well after a couple of hours working in one of the basement rehearsal rooms I was deemed “ready”.

Mercifully I didn’t have much time to mull it over, or pull out, as it was the next day.  It was mayhem in the theatre and it was packed to the rafters.  I was on a 4-woman team with Babs Chula who was outrageous.  She had fashioned these earrings out of Tampons and put bright red lipstick on the ends. They dangled away on her ears all night.  She was from New York, a fantastic actress, an amazing jazz singer and so funny and so loud.  She passed away last year after a Herculean battle with breast cancer.

Our team coach was Jim McLarty, a dynamic improvisor and a lovely actor.  His calming support and clever strategy kept our team together and ensured victory was ours that night.  I won MVP, which is Most Valuable Player, an award given at most sporting events.   Frankly I remember very little about that night except Bab’s dangling earrings, Jim’s comforting presence and how easy it was.  It was like being a fish and realizing that you could breathe underwater.  I soon became a member of the company and a regular performer of the Vancouver Theatresports League.  Proudly they’re still going strong in their own theatre on Granville Island in Vancouver.

My POV is WHO CARES all things considered!!!

When we look at the bigger pictures and the calamities that have befallen our country and others in 2010 and the first weeks of this year, the fact that we are still here, celebrating, holidaying and breathing is a darn sight better than many. The horror of Pikes River, Haiti, Queensland and now Victoria, and Brazil recently, certainly makes you appreciate being somewhere else. Even the good fortune of no deaths in Christchurch in September makes you wonder how different it could have been if matters had occurred 6 to 12 hours later. I shudder to think about it.

Last year I had a great time. I got to travel all around the country and to my favourite Samoa again (everyone must go to Samoa…..don’t argue with me, just go!). I got to work with great and talented people at ConArtists, and with great and talented people on TV in “Outrageous Fortune” and the upcoming “The Almighty Johnson’s”. I got to entertain a vast variety of clients, some new and some long standing. I got to make people laugh, maybe cry, frown, grimace and sit open-mouthed at something’s I may have said and /or done. And I didn’t even get in trouble for doing so.

I got to sing, and I love singing, and I don’t get to do that enough. But when you get to start a new year singing Elvis songs on his birthday on a gorgeous day under a Pohutukawa in a camp ground in the Coromandel with hundreds of Mum’s, Dad’s, Nana’s, Grandad’s and kids dancing and singing along it can’t get much better than that in my book.

I have a great life, no matter how grim the bank balance may be, and great friends, family and colleagues that I get to play with throughout the year. I look forward to being a part of your life in 2011 whether socially or otherwise and helping you enjoy your new year in whatever way I can.

Get in touch and see how I might be able to make you smile, laugh, guffaw, cry, frown, grimace or any other emotion I might be able to conjure up and let’s have some fun together.

Cheers – Geoff

And no matter how much I plan or castigate myself for not getting out there earlier the same outcome always transpires. That being me racing around like a blowfly at a barbeque on Christmas Eve trying to find just the right present for my Mum, brothers, sister-in laws, nephews and niece.

I have all the best intentions, I believe, and despite my annual tardiness I still do a good job at finding something suitable for all recipients, as far as I’m concerned, but I am now starting to recognise those slight looks of disbelief, those sideways glances to others in the room and the less than effusive gestures of approval that accompany the opening of said presents the next day.

I currently write this off as expression of minor disapproval for the wrapping job I have done, usually in the dark of night once said recipients are asleep as I have had no time to do this earlier. This is mostly due to me usually travelling the length of the North Island to be with my family and only being able to get to the nearest complex of crowds, madness, desperation and retail at around 6pm. But I could be wrong.

Maybe it is because I have inadvertently left a price sticker on the gift and they now know what a tight bastard I am. Perhaps it’s because I have gotten them something, especially in the clothing options, in a size they haven’t worn in 15 years or in a size they may fit for another 15. Maybe it’s because it is exactly what I bought them last year but being a bloke I don’t remember these things or bother to note down in a gift register what purchases were for who each year.

Whatever the reason I feel fairly confident in one thing. And that is no matter the sighs, glances, grimaces, planning or self flagellation….nothing will change!!

It works for me. Christmas is after all a time of giving, not what you are giving, or how much it is worth. If it is done with the right intentions then that is all that should matter. The fact that the giver cares enough to buy something, or just travel to be with you is reward enough in my eyes. I love my family to pieces and I know they know that. I also know they don’t care what I give them or vice versa. Just being there with them is awesome.

Merry Christmas – Geoff Dolan

“What do you do for a living?”
”I’m an actor”

(Pause – face goes through expressions of (a) Is she joking? (b) No, she isn’t (c) I’ll look harder maybe then I’ll recognize her (d) Maybe she’s famous and I can tell all my friends – will interrogate more)

“What have you been on that I’d know?”.  They mean TV

“Well, I’ve been on Shortland Street 4 times.  They killed me off once but brought me back.  NZ has a limited number of actors and Shortie’s run a long time”

“Anything else?”

“The odd thing here and there but mostly stage and corporate entertainment”

(The burning light in their eyes goes out.  No  talks of brushing up with fame, no gossip of Glam Stars from the show bizz world?  They move on)

The sad thing is that often when these same people come to our live shows at The Drake on Thursday nights they have THE best time and often comment afterwards that they haven’t been to a show for ages but how wonderful it is to see actors in the flesh.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I LOVE TV and Film.  In fact I’m obsessed and watch in one swoop whole series from “Dr Who” and “Firefly” to “House”, “The Wire” costume dramas, documentaries and any film that’s going.  But as far as working in film I’m choosing stage every time.

In film they pay us to wait and we do the acting for free.  Hours of mind numbing waiting fill a screen actor’s life.  Once I was called at 5am for hair and make up and got called to set at 5pm to be asked if I’d work overtime as they weren’t quite ready for me yet.  In film the actors bring patience to their skills set in a big way.  The crew, those great scuttling armies of people setting lights, checking sound, shots, wardrobe make up and lunches are the real heroes of film.  They work so hard.  They work longer hours than we do but at least they’re doing something.  You can tell new-to-film actors.  They turn up without anything to do.  Seasoned professionals have cards, games, ipods, laptops, book and magazines.

The other thing that’s tough is that you have no control over your performance.  Once I played a woman receiving news her husband had been murdered.  First take – the tears flowed, I sobbed.  The tension was palpable between me and the two actors playing the police.  But a plane flew over disrupting the sound.  Again, please.  The tears were still there.  But a hair in the gate meant once more.  By take six I couldn’t cry real tears and had to fall back on the wonderful technique of breathing out completely and making small choking noises in the back of my throat.  That’s the one they used, of course.

The biggest joy of stage (and particularly improv) is the live audience.  The connection, quite intimate in our form of theatre, of seeing and feeling the audiences reaction is a wonderful, two way interaction.  I may never get to meet you all out there personally but I feel your energy.  I enjoy your enjoyment.  I hope to give you an hour or so where the sad news of the world, the worrying payments coming up or the headache you had gets soothed by Dr Theatre.  Yes, I admire film actors and crew.  I admire the discipline of the writers and everyone and I love watching the end results.  I even like the novelty of being in one every now and then but I know acting in live comedy is where I want to live.

The obvious example that springs to mind comes from what I believe was the quater finals where the Uruguayn striker turned keeper for a split second Suarez commited a deliberate hand ball on the line of the goal that would have secured Ghana a historic semi final position. It was not the action of the handball that was most astonishing. The villainous cheating of a man in desperation turned the 23 year old into Uruguay’s greatest Football tragedy, with the axe that would be used for his inecitable beheading being immedaitely sharpened!

As the red card slowly came fromt he refrees pocket, young Saurez must have seen his life flash before his; the first time he saw a football, the first goal he scored, his first steamy impassioned Spanish/Uruguayn affair, the day he learnt to tango (assumingly), every minute of every game of his international career up until that point. As he walked dejected, a national super villain, he must have forseen his promising future diminish, like the beers and fries in the stadium arround him.

As the Ghanan striker lined up for the assured penalty, as each second ticked by, Saurez villainy grew as Uruguay’s ultimate demise from the World Cup became increasingly iminant. The Ghanan striker took four steps beofre he strck the ball. It flew, Saurez world stopped, it became slow motion as the contraversial and unpredictable ball flew and gianed momentum towards the anticipating goal keeper. A CLANG. A GASP. A TEAR. A ROAR OF THOUSANDS. He had missed. Suarez realising what had happened jumped for literal joy. In the matter of seconds he had gone from villain to hero and was the sole reason for Uruguays progression, he shed every type of tear in the space of two and a half minutes. And it was spectacular.

Here in lies the parallel. Improvisation, theatre and drama like sport are reactionary. And although in many of Hughes’s legendary films they are pitted as rivals in fact they are the same. Physical and yet empathetic they can both exude unexpected emotion from almost anyone! Yet for some reason something gets lost in the translation between disciplines. SO, I suggest next time you watch Conrad Smith rip up a defensive line or Ryan Nelson clear what was a certain goal after the game (obviously) check out something live. My suggestion is Theatre!

Jim, Lori & the Cheetah

A few weeks ago, my partner, Jim, and I, went on an Ultimate Animal Encounter, which was an early morning walk with a couple of wild Cheetahs, named Anubis and Osiris.   Our friend, Clare Kelso, who gives countless hours to the zoo, gave us this Encounter as a Christmas present.  We were given it in 2008 so hold the record for the longest time between getting it and using it!

The Auckland Zoo sent us a little kit beforehand – no bright clothing, no jangly jewelry, wide brimmed hats or sunglasses.  Apparently they want to be able to see your eyes and it makes them nervous if you’re wearing sunglasses.  We were more than happy to oblige.  You also have to be 1.3 meters in height or they consider you prey.  So at 8:00am in the morning, before the zoo opened, we gathered for our walk on the wild side.  There was a film crew shooting at the Zoo gates so we had to wait for them to finish a shot before we went in.  Jim was more than happy to chat with a number of the crew he knew from previous shoots.

It was a beautiful sunny day and the zoo was so quiet with no one around.  You could hear the bellow of the lions as they arose and the crowing of the roosters, who run freely around the zoo.  We were welcomed by Elana, who was our guide through- out the entire walk.  We also had a man named Dougal, who was taking the morning off work and a Kiwi keeper with a guest from an American zoo.  Four of us and 2 Cheetahs.   Each Cheetah had a keeper who held onto their leads.

Anubis and Osiris are brothers who couldn’t be less alike.  One is very wary and always on guard while the other took every opportunity to fall down and have a roll around.   They’ve been hand reared but are still wild.  The keepers work hard at building a familial relationship with them where they’re seen as part of the family.

The Cheetah is Africa’s most endangered cat.  Their only asset is that they can run really fast.  But it doesn’t guarantee they’ll hold onto what they catch.  Apparently the bigger cats are prone to stealing their hard won conquests and there’s nothing much they can do.  Their teeth are similar to a Labrador dog.  Isn’t that kooky?  You expect them to have these lethal teeth but they don’t.  They’re lithe looking and have long legs with powerful haunches that give them their explosive running power.  They’re paws are quite dainty and they sort of resemble a large dog/cat.  Every now and then they get a chance to have a big run in the elephant enclosure.  They have to book it and ensure the elephant is out, most likely having a walk around the zoo themselves.

The tour started when we got to the Cheetah enclosure and the keepers were putting their leads on, patting them and letting them lead themselves out into the zoo.   We strolled around the zoo for the next hour and a half, following two wild Cheetahs.  They loved looking at the flamingos and the giraffes were pretty intriguing.  We spent quite some time staring at them.  When we were going past the lions they really hunkered down and looked pretty furtive.  Lions are no friends of theirs and can kill them or steal their catch.  They stopped, stared and their whole body slunk down as they literally crept past.

The Auckland Zoo has tons of wild chickens running around everywhere.   I thought the Cheetahs might think this was easy pickings but they ignored them and just kept going.   We had a long stop at the Orangutan enclosure.  One of the Cheetahs loved watching them and the youngest Orangutan, Madju, put on a defiant show.  He waved his bit of cloth around and taunted the Cheetahs.  He was very cheeky and seemed to have a pretty good idea he was safe.

After that one of them got up on the picnic table and sat down.  It was picture taking time.  Jim and I stood next to Osiris and one at a time patted his fur.  It was quite course and his fur was hot to the touch.  He was also purring very loudly.  It was like a cat purr times 6.  Then he jumped down and on we went.   We got back and the Cheetahs went into their enclosure and had a lovely morning tea.  They started with a bit of frozen rabbit, to give them roughage and ended with some yummy looking raw steaks.  We left them having a good gnaw on bones and went off as the zoo was opening.

Lori Dungey
ConArtists Creative Director

RE: Air New Zealand’s “Cougar” Ad

“I am so tired with people saying “it’s just a joke”. I worked for Rape Crisis for 7 years. My work there confirmed NOTHING is funny about anything which demeans anyone for sexual behaviour (older women enjoying their sexuality). Nor is it funny to show predatory sexual behaviour of either sex. That ad does show sexual abuse. Not funny, let me assure you. How would we feel if it was a murder parody? Kill for a seat perhaps?

We have so many indications that women especially, but guys too, are being reduced to only their sexuality (watched any music vids recently – Justin Timberlake, et al?) and being dumped or made fun of when older (Judy Bailey). Aren’t men incredibly fed up too with being shown as a pack of wimps (also see “Whipped” ice block ad)? And how lazy are copy writers getting?

And now older women are 35 plus and desperate, reduced to using physical force and payments to get a sexual partner?! Yes, let’s see more guys dumping their wives of many years for younger women – happening more and more. Women as playthings (Tiger Woods) and women using their sexuality to get fleeting fame and money (women who slept with Tiger Woods).

Younger people are having joyless sex without thought as a tool to keep a partner or because it’s expected. All of the above is indicative of a society not teaching respect and value for individuals. If you have ANY doubt that there is an continuum of abuse from seemingly “fun” ads like this to soft porn to hard core violence watch “This Is Not a Love Story” an old but pertinent, Canadian documentary.”
We are naughty, we make sexual references but, in the heat of the moment, if any actor goes over the mark, then you – the audience – can remind them. Our audiences are supportive, playful and over all don’t give us a hard time. Improv brings out the best in audiences but they will wail at any comment that tips too far. Fair enough too. Our stand-up comedy artists in Auckland has certainly become interesting, doubly funny and so watchable since dumping most old, misogynistic material and replacing it with quick witted, intelligent observational comedy.
ConArtists has lots of fine, very funny actors who have signed up for a risky profession but we all have to be on the look out that we are treating every person with the same playful humour and that our innuendos are never a laugh too far.

Clare Kelso
Creative Director, ConArtists

Alternately, we’ll be squishing into Penny’s car for a 4-hour drive to Whakatane for the premiere of ConArtists’ first all female cast in ‘Austen Found: The undiscovered Musicals of Jane Austen’.    This is an entirely improvised musical in the style of Jane Austen and, hopefully, true to the Regency Period. It’s also the beginning of a thrilling road trip.

After Whakatane, it’s off to the Hamilton Garden Festival (Feb 21 & 22) to perform in a beautiful conservatory that is ludicrously perfect for our Regency romp.  You could just imagine Jane Austen fingering the pianoforte or eating a strawberry off the vine.  We are going to look as cute as a half crown in our floral regency gowns and bonnets.  We even made the bonnets ourselves with the help of a U-Tube instructional.  U-Tube has everything!  I burned my fingers on the glue gun more times then you could say “I will not raise any outcry; I will keep my ill humor to myself.” (Emma)

Then we’re leaving on a jet plane for the Adelaide Fringe Festival for 3 weeks.  I hope the glue doesn’t melt in the Adelaide heat or we’re all in big trouble.  This will be an exercise in patience as our four women and one man cast live in a 2-bedroom motel.  Robbie, our token male, is a brilliant muso who improvises like a dream.  Then there’s Stayci, Lucy and Penny.  Penny has been the stalwart, doing all the hard work and putting all the pieces together.   She’s been a solo performer for years so I think she’s delirious with joy that she’s finally got mates to play and perform with.  It’s tough being the only one handing out your flyers.

I snore a little so that will be a challenge for her as well.  We’re bunking together.  Our ticket sales are at 36% so we’re pretty pleased by that.  There’s a Jane Austen Club in Adelaide who have got their tickets and dance cards ready. Bless.

We’ve been enormously girly swat about this production.  We rehearse conscientiously, trotting out all the various characters that Jane Austen has created.  We’ve worked on the language of the time, our knowledge of history and manners and the various modes of transport, dress and what they ate.  I’d love to sample some Jugged Hare, Beetroot Pancakes and Stuffed Boars Head though I could happily pass on the Blue cheese with Maggots.

We’ve watched every version of Emma, Mansfield Park, Northanger Abbey, Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility.   I am slowly making my way through the novels.  I am currently reading “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-smith.  In this novel version, Elizabeth Bennet of Hertfordshire has a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, as well as the weaponry of Europe and the fighting styles of the Kyoto Masters.  She’s a Zombie slayer and these undead, who have been afflicted by a mysterious plague, are bringing mayhem to the quiet English countryside.  It’s hysterical.

Lori Dungey
ConArtists Creative Director

Every year about 4,000 people gather from all over Europe and England, from Friday to Sunday night, to celebrate everything that is LOTR. It’s a mad mixture of sword craft lectures, stage fighting workshops, lectures on the Elvyn language (yes, there is an Elvyn language), Celtic history, costume parades, talent competitions, Tolkien discussions etc… Many of the “fans” who attend wear costumes of their favourite character or “thing” for 3 days. One year a gal came as the Party Tree, complete with dancing Hobbits and fairy lights. She couldn’t sit and had to lie down on the back seat of a car to get to the convention. There’s more Gandolph’s, Treebeard’s, Lady of Lothlorien’s, Legolas’, and Frodo’s then you could shake a stick at. Many who attend spend countless hours embroidering dresses and hammering out armor. I love these 2 girls who come every year as the Riders of Rohan. They’re decked out in armor and even have horses. Two child-size horses, on wheels and they’ve got armor as well. They have the movie sound track in a ghetto blaster tucked under one of the horses. The rousing soundtrack plays as they get pulled up and down the hallways of Gondor.

Two years ago, with the decline in interest of LOTR (It’s been 10 years!) they incorporated actors from Harry Potter and Pirates of the Caribbean. Last year they included Twilight actors, so a very large number of young girls attended.

I’m part of the Kiwi contingent that is there every year, along with the real international stars. During the day, my job is to chat and mingle with the “fans”, turn up for the autograph signings, picture posing and teach a couple of improvisation workshops. I do one solo 50-minute slot for about 1,500 “fans” where I present a short film that I’ve made during the year. It always features some silly adventure of Mrs. Bracegirdle. Hysterical thing is I’m actually wearing a Heidi outfit I got for some corporate gig, but no one seems to care.

Then in the evenings, the Kiwis do some madcap improv. We try to incorporate themes from the LOTR, as well as Twilight and Harry Potter as well as getting some of the real “stars” involved. They love it because they have a great time and they end up looking adorable. In one scene we recreated a date in the style of fairy tale characters with a young girl we plucked from the audience. We brought up another “volunteer” from the audience who turned out to be the heart throb star from an American TV Vampire show called Blood Ties. The “fans” went mad. Think of 3,000 screaming girls and you’d be about right.

We also used a couple of German actors who voiced Twilight. It’s a huge industry in Germany and all TV shows and movies are dubbed into German. They’re very popular and the audience went ballistic when we did this crazy scene where each Kiwi actor was assigned an “interpreter”. Their job was to interpret into German every line and noise made by the Kiwis. They stood as close as they could and the scene got faster and louder and everyone was working as hard as they could to keep up with everyone else. Very enjoyable mayhem.

Then it’s all over. That is, until the next year, if you’re fortunate enough to get an invite back. I’m happy to report I’ve got my invite for 2010 so I’m getting ready for another Bracegirdle production.