The actors were sensational – never faulted in character or wit! Thanks for all your efforts, it was a great night.

Thank you so much for the awesome show on Saturday night.  Your team rocked the house. Everyone thoroughly enjoyed!

Wow! What a night, thank you so much, to date it is the best BA5 that I have attended. Thank you for making a great effort to meet, greet and entertain – you were amazing.

On behalf of CAANZ, you did a great job for us at Axis. You are all very talented and brilliant and added interest and layers to the show and gave terrific performances! I thought Urzila, yourselves and the band all worked really well together.

Professionalism and flexibility. Geoff effortlessly incorporated new data and small changes to schedule. Much appreciated his easy going manner at a time when the pressure is on.  Everyone was delighted once again with your hosting and especially the fun quiz game. Such a simple concept and great for our group  – good choice !

Geoff was fantastic. Not only did he take the time to familiarise himself with the roles he was to play in our training video in advance, he also helped put at ease our client’s staff ‘actors’ and coach them throughout the day, so that they could give their best. Everyone on this project enjoyed working with him.

IMPROV SLUTS – QUICK, CHEAP AND EASY

WE’RE HIMBOS FOR HILARITY AND FLOOZIES FOR THE FUNNIES

After the stonking four year sell-out success of Sex, Lies and Improvise, those Improv aficionados ConArtists are back with a brand new show to give you a funny boner. You’ll be gagging for their gags as old hands and young bucks “come” together to deliver the sort of slick and hilarious show that ConArtists are known for.

Using audience suggestions they will mine comedy gold on the spot to produce hysterical storylines that no one could predict. One thing is for sure however, it’ll be quick, it won’t cost much and the laughs will come easy.

ConArtists have been cracking the crack-ups for over 20 years now. Their members include some of the original TheatresportsTM players in New Zealand in Clare Kelso, Geoff Dolan, Lori Dungey and Nigel Burrows along with Penny Ashton, Allan Roberts, Scott Sinclair and new up and coming stars of the scene in Robert Mingault, Eli Matthewson, Chris Neels and Hamish Parkinson. Their shows Austen Found: The Undiscovered Musicals of Jane Austen, Enid Untold: Five Go Mad on Improv and Instant Anatomy have been a huge hit and brought a whole new style of Improv to a wider audience.

Their members have won numerous awards and competitions including Best Comedy at the Auckland Fringe, The Improvaganza Masters of the Universe Competiton in Edmonton and a number of World Theatresports Titles. They have also featured in hundreds of TV and stage productions including The Almighty Johnsons, Lord of the Rings, In My Father’s Den, The Billy T James Awards, The Comedy Gala, Would I Lie to You, 7 Days, Gloss and Give Us a Clue to name but a few.

“…gut busting brilliance.” Sex, Lies and Improvise – Theatreview

“…I think I might be hooked.” Instant Kiwis – Theatreview

AUCKLAND

Dates: Wed May 2nd – Sat May 19th (Every Wed – Sat)

Venue: The Drake, 2 Drake St, Freemans Bay

Tickets: Adults $22, Conc. $18. from DashTickets 0800 327 484

ConArtists in association with STAMP at THE EDGE presents

AUSTEN FOUND: THE UNDISCOVERED MUSICALS OF JANE AUSTEN

“ConArtists are consummate performers. They make improv look so easy you’ll think you could get up and give it a go.” Theatreview; Austen Found Review May 09

“OOOOOH MISS ELIZABETH, DO PLEASE PLAY IT AGAIN.”

Addicted to Darcy?  Lost all Sense and Sensibility?  Bonkers for Big Balls?  Well put down your cross-stitching and join Auckland’s leading improv troupe, ConArtists, as they swoon, romp, and pianoforte their way through an entirely improvised Austenian Musical. Charming suitors, meddlesome mothers, tight breeches and surprisingly well educated girls will all paint a vivid picture in song, dance and passionate hand holding.

And after a 95% house at the Adelaide Fringe Festival and a completely sold out NZ International Comedy Festival, we politely suggest booking early to ensure our dance card isn’t full.

“Jane Austen would be turning in her grave with delight…Rollicking good fun!” Rip It Up Adelaide

“Improv Comedy at its finest.” Unilife Magazine Adelaide

“Austen Found: The Undiscovered Musicals of Jane Austen is the good pavlova, the one someone has taken a few goes to get just right. The brilliant version.” Waikato Times

Bringing the Bennetts to life will be veteran performer Lori Dungey, world famous Hobbit and one of the founding players of Theatresports in New Zealand.  Lori performs all over the World and has represented both New Zealand and Canada in international tournaments including the World Cup of Theatresports in Germany in 2006 and was victorious in the Improvaganza Masters of the Universe Tournament in Edmonton in 2003.

“Hot Pink” Penny Ashton is a comedienne and actor and has performed both Improv and her solo comedy shows (Hot Pink Bits, Busty Rhymes, Dirty Pink) from New York to Edinburgh to Ashburton.  She too represented NZ at the World Cup in 2006 and at the Improvaganza in 2003 and is a three times Adelaide People’s Choice Award nominee.  She is recently returned from performing her poetry at Glastonbury in the UK and reporting at Miss Universe in Las Vegas.

Nigel Burrows was one of the original members of ConArtists, and therefore brings 22 years of experience to his bulging breeches. Joining him will be Stage Three UNITEC student and High School Theatresports Champ Chris Neels and a charming Christchurch Improviser from the Court Jesters, Kathleen Burns.

Pianoforte virtuoso Robbie Ellis studied at the University of Auckland School of Music, and has worked in a wide range of theatre, from Greek tragedy to stand-up comedy via late Romantic opera and French absurdism. He is an award-winning composer, broadcaster and multi-instrumentalist. As an improv musician he has played in Melbourne and Rotterdam, and with companies around New Zealand.

“The entire cast did a magnificent job of capturing the essence of Jane Austen’s style in their parody without offending ardent fans or losing the enthusiasm of strangers to the genre.” Theatreview, May 2009

“Swept into the fantastically fictional improvised world of “Greed & Generosity”, Jane Austen’s once-lost-but-now-found musical extravaganza, I was particularly impressed…” The Lumiere Reader, May 2009

“Now why didn’t I think of that!” Jane Austen, May 1809

AUSTEN FOUND: THE UNDISCOVERED MUSICALS OF JANE AUSTEN

Herald Theatre, Aotea Centre THE EDGE, October 21 – 31, Tuesday & Wednesday, 7pm Thursday, Friday & Saturday 8pm, Sunday 4pm

Bookings 0800 BUY TICKETS or www.buytickets.co.nz, Service Fees Apply

Full $25, Concession and Groups 6+ $20, Information: www.conartists.co.nz

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…”Just wanted to say thanks for everything you did for us at the conference. You actually make the conference for Leading Edge, and as Kieren (CEO) said – we can’t imagine a conference without you!! Everything always runs smoothly when you’re around which makes my life a lot easier Geoff and Paul are just so great to work with – hope I’ll be able to do it again soon. Have a fantastic Christmas season and I’ll definitely keep in touch with you”…
Sue Oxley, Lecom – November 2008

“…oh and I have to ask, one farmer asked if you wanted summer sheets or winter…don’t be shy, give me your honest answer, I won’t judge.”

When this email arrived in my inbox 6 weeks out from my regional tour of the Taranaki Heartland during their Festival of the Arts, my happiness increased exponentially.

As a solo performer/producer/publicist/stage manager/personal stylist/spinster I tend to have to organise everything myself.   From Edinburgh to Ekatahuna to Adelaide I am usually the one putting up posters for five hours, the one flyering people who look at me as if I am offering gonorrhoea on a stick, the one haranguing the media to cover someone other than Danny Bhoy, and the one quietly wishing I had done that chemistry degree after all as there’s more waaaaaay more money in meth.

BUT finally someone ELSE was attending to the details right down to fuzzy sheets warming my weary buttocks.

Which was, in short, awesome.

So by the time came for me to pack my bags once again and head to the airport for New Plymouth, I was rather excited.  And justifiably so.

My first two shows were in The Salon Perdu Spiegeletent in its first outing to the southern hemisphere.  It’s like it’s famous cousin but is more brown inside…. in a good way.

Opening Night rolled around, as they always do, and I was furiously trying to Burlesqueify my hair with my flash new heated rollers to dubious effect.  Dita Von Teased would be a better description but I wedged my voluminous assets into my corset, hid the ladders in my fishnets and licked the lipstick off my teeth before hitting the stage.

My show, Hot Pink Bits, all about the history of the Sex Industry, complete with a one eyed sock puppet and audience volunteer stripper, was off to a ripping start when all of a sudden a noise like I had never heard before screamed through the tent.   It was as if it had physically kicked me in the butt and my body involuntarily jerked about like a toddler in a mosh pit.

I would imagine a similar sound could be heard if one tried to get between Joan Rivers and botox but actually it was the sound desk having a major tanty after some charming punter has spilt an entire beer into it.

So I had no sound.  No CD tracks. No microphone. No hilarious sound effects. No nothing.

BUT as a girl who’s used to doing everything herself I just soldiered on.  If I can perform to 6 people in basically a large Port-a-loo in the Pleasance Venue in Edinburgh, then I can deal with this. If I can do half my show in torchlight in the Saskatoon School Gym then I can deal with this.  Well that’s what I hoped anyways

BUT happily Hot Pink Bits Unplugged was the result and seemed to go rather well.

After my two nights in the Big Brown Tent I then headed out into the regions to perform in places with such fabulous names as Rawhitiroa, TeRata and my favourite Urenui, as it means Big Penis in Maori. (There was however no statue, like Ohakune’s big carrot, to commemorate this honour.)

I was performing in communities that consisted only of a hall but still 180 people would materialise from the bush bearing plates and plates of sausage rolls, club sandwiches, good old Kiwi Onion Dip… and the odd crate or two.

Then they would then sit and rowdily listen to me talk about the history of prostitution, pornography and B&D and sing a few ditties.  In Kakaramea we were performing in a hall that was 100 years old and had graffiti on the walls in chalk dating back to the 30’s.  It also had the charming words; “Patea Boys are W**kers.” I asked if this was still true but as no one was there from Patea, I can only assume it is.

I stayed with Farming Couples on numerous occasions and was stuffed full of so many roasted animals I could hardly lace up my assets. Also every dessert in the country contains apples curiously enough and I felt far too polite to refuse any of it.

On the final night in incredibly remote Makahu, it was as if the residents had been sucking back food colouring and sugar and Ritalin before I got there and were a crazy crowd.  One man, convinced I was going to drag him onstage to strip, even showed me the frilled underpants he had worn.

I also met a woman who decided she would definitely marry her brand new husband of 60 yrs old specifically because he was a pig farmer.  Which made me wonder if it was time I reassessed my criteria.

What I’m trying to say is as much as I loved performing to a packed Spiegeltent I will never forget that special roar of laughter that comes when you bounce up and down on the knee of a man in a town where all 180 people in the venue are somehow related to him and everyone is high on sausage fat.

So people flag Edinburgh, forget Adelaide and ignore Auckland.  Head to Urenui where all you need is flannelette, stewed apples and a really big member.

Ka pai.

www.hotpink.co.nz